i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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