So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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