dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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