Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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