Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
