My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
