i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
