the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
