Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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