I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize