Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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