We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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