Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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