God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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