he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
