she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
