in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
