Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
