Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
