When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
