We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
