we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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