Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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