also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
