Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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