So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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