ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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