She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
