i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
