I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
