Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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