do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
