I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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