oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
