I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
