just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
