i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
