you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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