sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
