Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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