he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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