just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
