New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
