god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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