I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
