It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
