This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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