I just cut my nipple shaving
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
