You're earring is so big in my mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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