his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
