i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think my moral compass just broke
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
