i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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