She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
