Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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